


Lycoris Radiata

by StrudelQueen



Series: A Series of Stories Concerning Lysander Nikonov [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Borderline creepy, Dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2015-12-05
Packaged: 2018-05-05 01:19:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5355593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrudelQueen/pseuds/StrudelQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Nec sine te nec tecum vivere possum” -Ovid’s Amores<br/>Translation: I can neither live with you or without you</p><p>A saying that seemingly echoes in Curvus' mind as he observes the changes he and his charge experienced throughout their lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lycoris Radiata

**Author's Note:**

> This is a part of my Creative Writing project and it's part of a bigger story that I have in mind. Note that this is a mere rough draft of my midterm and most of this writing is experimental on my part. It's mostly unedited and a work in progress of a collection I had in mind.

It wasn’t easy being dead, or at least as close to dead as I thought I was. My own memories were a haze, and I was unable to discern anything vital of what had led up to my current situation. Every attempt in recalling my own past has lead up to failure and I had stop trying at this point. I was able to get vague sensations and short glimpse of those forgotten memories before they faded, but even those small pieces were of no use to me. I was discontent.

Again, I tried to make sense of my own current situation and every single time I tried to make sense of it, I nearly cringed at how horrible it was to be me right now. Every physical sensation is muted, a mere ghost of a feeling that made me longed to feel again, to move again. I detested how the only thing I was able to do is to observe and relived memories of those faded feelings that aren’t physically there. But these yearnings to be whole again was what kept me going, what truly kept me alive and not withering in my prison, my cage. I wanted to be free.

Lysander was an interesting child when I first met her. I did not want anything to do with her at first, and frankly, I was expecting nothing of her. She was a typical person that didn’t show any skills whatsoever. She was mortal and she was weak, which is nothing new of her species. I absolutely hated her. She was another person impending my way to be complete, to be whole again. I wanted her to suffer as I had did. I wanted her to feel the same pain as I did. I detested her and I wanted her to die. I did everything in my power to make her suffer throughout each day. Whispers in her ear about lies and secrets. Trying to control her actions and causes her to make a fool of herself. I even tried to change her entire life. I did everything I could and then some just to irk that pitiful human, despite how she just shrugged off my attempts at sabotaging her life. 

Yet, I never felt so wrong in my life when I realized what she really is. It even amazes me to this day. I thought that she was a weak mortal, a human that will rot away when Death comes and reap their souls. Something that time will eventually destroy. But I was surprised at what she could do and eventually become. I didn’t expect her to be able to be someone to surpassed my expectations and I was wholly fascinated by her powers, if one could call it that. Once I found out that she could truly see the fate of others and be able to influence it, I was rendered speechless.

I had to contemplate over this revelation. Lysander had hid this from me, despite her fervent protest and denial that she had just discovered she could do this. There was one downside that the both of us had discovered together was when I had her try to look for something in her insignificant and uninteresting hometown, she suddenly collapse and was unable to wake up for nearly three days. There was a limit to how long she could use it and I was disappointed that she was unable to last any longer. 

I concocted a plan once I discovered her limits and her powers. I needed her to be able to find a way to complete me and make me whole again. I constantly tried to find ways to push her to her limits and to make her powers grow. I even made a deal with her too, since I am stuck attached to this human for an immeasurable amount of time. I promised her that if she could find a way to make me complete and to separate us, I would do everything in my power to help her as well, which is including protecting her and help her with learning about her powers. It was a good promise, in my humble opinion, considering that even with my vast knowledge of the world through the many years I am living, or partially living, that even I do not know how to find a way to be complete. And, I could keep Lysander alive until I deemed her useless.

But I honestly did not expect myself to become attached to her, a mortal that can see how others die and how others see, the different ways someone will lived their fate and the paths they take in their lives. Lysander and I had been through so much together. I watched as she struggled through the various times people tried to steal her away, once they too gotten knowledge of her awe-inspiring ability to control fate. I witness how she had changed so much from the naive little girl she used to be into this nihilistic adult that had tried so hard to change the lives of the people she met, especially the ones who didn’t deserve their inevitable future of suffering. I observe how far she had gone through to save her own brothers. 

Everything had changed between us. I had eventually come to care for this girl that I had once thought to be another prison, another blockade that was to get in my way to be whole. And she began to care for me too, which had amazed me. I had made her suffer because of my arrogance and she still find it within herself to forgive me for my actions and my words. I constantly questioned her on her own sanity and berated her for her own stupidity. Why should she forgive me? Why should she pity me? I don’t want her pity. I don’t want her to show me benevolence! 

I wanted to scream at her. I wanted to show her, once again, that I am a being to be fear. A being that should be revered but dread once they hear my name. To be given nightmares that’ll haunt them even through their wakefulness. 

I lashed out in every way I could, but Lysander only gave me a smile and accept whatever came her way. It made me furious! But I didn’t strike out. I just couldn’t. That smile, that acceptance. Everything she had done so far. I just couldn’t do it. 

I spend days without talking to Lysander. I spent most of them watching her without talking to her. She knew I was there. She knew I didn’t want to talk, but she had given me time. Every time I see her, she just gave me a smile and didn’t ask me for anything. It was surreal and strange. 

Finally, I was able to swallow my pride and approach her once again, which was a great many days after our argument. She didn’t say much about it, which I was grateful for, and she continued to be herself, a surprisingly sarcastic mortal. 

Our lives continue as normal, and we were so close to setting me free and becoming whole again. Yet.

Yet, I wanted to spend more time with Lysander. I became attached to her and I wanted to stay with her. I delayed as much time as possible in our quest just for my own selfishness and my greed to stay with her. I didn’t wanted to leave, and I continue to curse myself for letting myself establish such a bond with her. It shouldn’t happen, but I let myself did such a thing anyway.

But, here I am, lying together with her on the ground. So much has happen that even I cannot put it into words. Lysander was asleep, a well deserve sleep that I had denied her all these years. She looked so serene, so calm, and so peaceful. I didn’t want to wake her up and I want her to rest as much as possible before we continue on our journey together. With everything gone, there’s nothing left for her to have a reason to go back so we can still be together, just as we had before everything started and ended.

Lysander will wake up. I know she will and I’ll wait for her. I will wait until everything ends for her to wake up.


End file.
